[ How to become a billionaire the easy way ]

by Liam DelaHunty


The first thing to do on our road to billionairedom is set aside half an hour one Sunday afternoon and have a nice cup of tea. If you really don't like tea, coffee will do. If you are one of thoses people who don't drink tea or coffee then any other hot drink will have to surfice (it has to be hot - it's well known that people who don't like hot drinks will never become web billionaies). Stare out of the window at the rolling scenery or tower-blocks and enjoy the view. Become serene and if you are able to levitate a little and become one with nature. You'll be able to do it again later, but it's a nice way to start a project on web domination.

Now it's time for a bath. Baths are good, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Baths are were you will have ideas. (And they stop you smelling). In your bath you will come up with your idea for a web site that will inflame the passions of the world, other than more pornography. Do this by thinking of anything other than, "what would inflame the passions of the world, other than more pornography?". This special bath, where non-aborigines have their own dream-time, will be where your thoughts jumble, blur and suddenly come in to focus when the water turns cold. Making sure you've rinsed your hair jump out of the bath and start to write your idea down. (Don't use a computer you may electrocute yourself.) Dry off, use talcum powder and deodorant, get dressed if you like, and have another cup of tea.

If you have had an idea you need to think of an excuse not to go to work for the week. If not do your normal Sunday thing and start again in a weeks time. If you've had an idea, you'll not be going to work tommorow so pop out to the pub and get more drunk than normal. It's not integral to the plan but it's nice to be naughty on a 'school night'.